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medicalf mishapsf I June 23, 2008

Posted by Mrm in FAT, memories, WTFing.
6 comments

i have neglected my blogf for so long; i guess it started feeling like a chore to write up new posts.

i have a 6on of pictures for ur visual pleasure, but uploading is a slut so i will probably be doing that later on. i gave u false hope didnt i? ha ha!

now timef forf postf. fff. part I of III.

dvgvppppq

typically, i am a healthy person. however, throughout the years i have had quite a number of medical mishaps; not with the injuries or my health, but with the doctorsf.

mishapf 1:

Bahrain, 1990.

i fell asleep in front of the tv so my eldest sister thought ehya gadha o tgdar tsheelni o twadeeni frashi. so she dragged me by my arms to my bed. She then proceeded to fling me onto my bed. very unfortunately, i had a four post bed and a sister that throws like a girl. having ur 7 yr old face smashed onto a bed post is not a fun way to wake upf.

i was then taken to the hospital by my parents, while my Filipina nanny Mama Tina continually screamed at me to change out of my bloody felix the cat pajama dress…not because it was bloody but because she thinks Arabs are pedophiles. Here comes the mishap. The only doctor that was free at the time was Dr. Jawad. He was severely cross eyed.

instead of requesting another doctor to stitch up my swollen busted lip, my parents must have thought it was hilarious to let him do it. he did, they laughed, i craughed (cry/laugh hybrid). i guess thats where i get my humor from. we went home, and found my sister in thoob salat (praying attire) and frantically reading the quran. hahhahhhahahahaha she was scared my dad would kilf her, but he just laughed at her.

mishapf 2:

before i start, always get several medical opinions. ud be surprised how easily doctors can misdiagnose your condition.

one adolescent spring, i felt abnormally nauseas. it went on for almost a week until i told my mother i was feeling sick. a room search and an abrasive interrogation later, she was convinced i wasnt pregnant and told me to see a doctor. i went to al amiri and was looked at by an incredibly hairless kuwaiti doctor. Fifteen minutes, a cold examination and a series of questions later, he scribbled something on his super important medical pad and excused himself. the bastard went to have a tea break. I took the liberty of looking through his desk only to see the scribble reading:

انوركسيا

Now will someone plz explain how an obviously fat person that smells like chocolate and with no intention of slowing down be diagnosed with anorexia?

anorex

too bad we didnt have camera phones back then, i would have taken a picture. i wonder how different suspic’s school life is than mine was with the invention of the camera phone. i would have abused that privilege.

those were the unfortunate medicalf mishapsf in my memories. twas cool tho.

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water in places it shouldnt be December 4, 2007

Posted by Mrm in FAT.
8 comments

so i had an appraisal at the gym today… what came out from that experience?

i learned that i am a camel

camel

i learned that i am a body of water (pun intended, and soon u will know why)

pc

so i go in with my emaciated looking friend. turns out shes a couple of kilograms underweight (bitch), i am not. apparently i have 9 liters of excess WATER in my body. this is what 9 liters looks like:
pc040661.jpg

around 10kg of jismi is unnecessary water! all i have heard my entire life is “water is filling!” , “drink more water!”, “ur body is in constant need of water!” and the mother of all CRAP “U CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH WATER. IT ASSISTS IN WEIGHT LOSS, BETTER SKIN AND BETTER HAIR”. let me tell u something…water has made me at least 10kg overweight, i am losing my hair and getting treatment for it and i have excema. we3.

water…hatttte.

ps- i tried lemon juice as a substitute for the water i usually drink, i almost had a seizure. too sour.